Confessions of a Pastor #1
I Have a Pathetic Prayer Life.
And so it begins...
Wondering how to start this whole series on this blog I couldn't figure out how to start. I suppose the best way to do it is like taking off a band-aid... slow and painful! From the beginning of my Christian walk I have always been told that my prayer life has to be strong and what's worse is that I believed the people that told me that. Truth is God doesn't care how great your prayers are just that you do communicate with Him. I often catch myself going into shallow and hollow prayers and I have to stop and remind myself that God deserves better. One of the things that I have been challenged by in the past few weeks is to make my prayers true and from the heart. As church goers we have learned how to cover up what we truly feel with ritualistic words. If you actually listened to yourself pray most of us would find that we use words that we would never use in our conversations with others. What I have been doing lately is telling God how I actually feel in the words that I am thinking of. I originally had that sense that God needed to hear the "holy words" when in all actuality He can take what I really mean to say. He invites me to be honest in my prayers. For the past (some odd) years of my life I have turned myself into a pharisee on the street corner, praying as if I was praying to the people around me and not to the God who loves and cares for me enough that He wants my words and my feelings and my heart felt emotions in my conversations with Him. We need to stop putting emphasis on religious praying and start telling people that God desires the truth when we pray. We don't have to doctor up our words because we think God will hear them better that way. We have to stop thinking about prayer as a ritualistic event that we do. Stop being afraid of prayer. Stop being afraid of saying the wrong things or asking for the wrong things. I honestly can say that the first time I actually prayed a truthful and honest prayer was when one of my best friends in the world was suffering from a tumor. I stopped and I prayed to God and honestly asked Him why and told Him that I think it was unfair. I confessed that I loved Him deeply and that I know I could never understand His ways and thoughts but I just wanted her to feel better. Being honest in prayer makes prayer worth doing. I am not saying that God doesn't listen to every prayer or that He answers or doesn't answer based on a grade scale of prayers but I am saying that if you want a meaningful prayer life then be creative and open and honest with the God who loves you. Remember that prayer is communicating with God and like all great conversations there is a time to speak and a time to listen. From one amateur pray-er to another... happy praying.
And so it begins...
Wondering how to start this whole series on this blog I couldn't figure out how to start. I suppose the best way to do it is like taking off a band-aid... slow and painful! From the beginning of my Christian walk I have always been told that my prayer life has to be strong and what's worse is that I believed the people that told me that. Truth is God doesn't care how great your prayers are just that you do communicate with Him. I often catch myself going into shallow and hollow prayers and I have to stop and remind myself that God deserves better. One of the things that I have been challenged by in the past few weeks is to make my prayers true and from the heart. As church goers we have learned how to cover up what we truly feel with ritualistic words. If you actually listened to yourself pray most of us would find that we use words that we would never use in our conversations with others. What I have been doing lately is telling God how I actually feel in the words that I am thinking of. I originally had that sense that God needed to hear the "holy words" when in all actuality He can take what I really mean to say. He invites me to be honest in my prayers. For the past (some odd) years of my life I have turned myself into a pharisee on the street corner, praying as if I was praying to the people around me and not to the God who loves and cares for me enough that He wants my words and my feelings and my heart felt emotions in my conversations with Him. We need to stop putting emphasis on religious praying and start telling people that God desires the truth when we pray. We don't have to doctor up our words because we think God will hear them better that way. We have to stop thinking about prayer as a ritualistic event that we do. Stop being afraid of prayer. Stop being afraid of saying the wrong things or asking for the wrong things. I honestly can say that the first time I actually prayed a truthful and honest prayer was when one of my best friends in the world was suffering from a tumor. I stopped and I prayed to God and honestly asked Him why and told Him that I think it was unfair. I confessed that I loved Him deeply and that I know I could never understand His ways and thoughts but I just wanted her to feel better. Being honest in prayer makes prayer worth doing. I am not saying that God doesn't listen to every prayer or that He answers or doesn't answer based on a grade scale of prayers but I am saying that if you want a meaningful prayer life then be creative and open and honest with the God who loves you. Remember that prayer is communicating with God and like all great conversations there is a time to speak and a time to listen. From one amateur pray-er to another... happy praying.
My prayers also got waaaaay more intimate and honest when cancer came after us. Until then, I was more concerned with how I said it instead of what I said.
I don't bother God with froo-froo prayers anymore ;) I just talk. If I'm sad or freaked out or MAD, I tell Him. He knows anyway. And when I see Him in a sunset or seeing a good deed in action, or when a baby is born, I tell Him, "I love you. You are the coolest!!" and I know He's okay with my simple slang because it was a genuine emotion I was sharing.
I hope you enjoy just talking to God and being you. The power behind genuine, heartfelt prayers is like no other.
love you,
m